Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The worst Darth Vader figure ever

From X-Entertainment, "It wasn't long ago that I reported on the coolest holiday snow globe ever, featuring Darth Vader in the midst of building the Death Star out of snow. I've since gotten many e-mails from Vader-loving readers wanting to know where to buy such a thing (try Target), and everything told, all signs pointed to Darth Vader owning the 2006 holiday season.

But for every victory, there is a new challenge. The Darth Vader snow globe rocked our socks, but the most recent Darth Vader action figure is doing something…other than rocking our socks.

First, a little exposition: When Hasbro/Kenner relaunched the Star Wars action figure line in 1995, they couldn't have been prepared for the amount of success this new collection would have. Well, they adapted quick. Even with the wealth of characters found in the six "official" Star Wars movies, they needed more.

So, we got Luke in fifty different outfits. We got Clone Troopers in sixty different outfits. We got Yodas with snakes, with robes, in battle poses, in meditation poses, glowing and not glowing, with tufts of hair and without tufts of hair. There's something to be said for having a favorite Star Wars character and knowing that said character comes in at least thirty-seven different action figure varieties.

But this Vader? He's too much.

We've seen a lot of Darth Vader figures. We've gotten him "proper." We've gotten him as-seen in the original and prequel trilogies. We even got him sans-mask, with that weird old dude burny face that looked a bit like a fluid-injected lemon cookie. And now, we have this…

Yes, it's Darth Vader, being attacked by Silly String! Actually, this ill-executed attempt is meant to portray Vader as he was catching stray lightning bolts while chucking Emperor Palpatine down the Death Star's conveniently placed bottomless shaft. And here I thought that molding the fat guy who cried when the Rancor died was as low as it'd get.

The web of "lightning" is removable, leaving you with what appears to be a pile of tangled, purple, action figure scale jockstraps. As a kid who grew up always counting on a good ol' Darth Vader figure with telescoping lightsaber and chewable plastic cape to get me through the days no matter how bad they were, it's sad to see the Dark Lord reduced to material for sarcastic blog entries."


Octopunk said...

You know, I bet they could make some more lightning-looking lightning. I've got the plastic electric bolts from that one astromech droid and it looks more like coral.

All this plastic lightning and plastic blaster fire...silly, silly.

JPX said...

I think the LAMEST example of "plastic blaster fire" is the old Playmates Trek line (I tried to find an example but failed).

Octopunk said...

Oh yeah! At least the SW "fire" could be removed from the guns, the Trek toys had a flat beam permanently attached. What suckage!

JPX said...

Totally! It looked like the characters were shooting silly-string at each other.