Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Everything I needed to know about women I learned from Ironjaw

From Thesneeze, "A few days ago I introduced you to Ironjaw: the crappy comic book that my aunt gave me as a kid for absolutely no apparent reason.

I never really read any Ironjaw until now, and that is a true shame because I've come to realize that my aunt wasn't just handing me a comic book-- she was handing me an instructional tool for the opposite sex-- a virtual how-to guide to women. Had I only studied it then, my life-experience with the ladies may have been very different.

The good news is, it's not too late for any of us.

The Sneeze now proudly presents...


The first thing Ironjaw taught me is that when it comes to the ladies, CONFIDENCE is key. If you don't believe in yourself, how can she?

Here, Ironjaw has helped me realize that HONESTY in a relationship is crucial. Don't just tell a woman what you think she wants to hear. Speak from your heart, and she will only love you more for it...

Even Ironjaw wasn't the apple of every gal's eye right off the bat. A little PERSEVERANCE goes a long way...

And don't be a GLOOMY GUS, either. Watch how Ironjaw looks on the bright side. That makes chicks all sexual!

And the most important lesson I've learned is: Deep down, women don't care if you're short, or fat, or even if you have a bear trap for a chin... all that really matters is that the rest of your head looks exactly like Sylvester Stallone."


Octopunk said...

And you KNOW a dude like Ironjaw doesn't go in for the oral sex...actually for him, that's probably a good idea.

Maybe he should hook up with that lady whose dog ate her face.

Octopunk said...

Actually, did you hear she spoke in public in yesterday's news? She said when she woke up she tried to light a cigarette but couldn't figure out why she was unable to hold it in her lips. Then she looked in the mirror.


JPX said...

DOn't get me started on her! the fact that this woman was given $100,000 worth of surgery and she's back to smoking makes me want to yank her stupid face off. What a waste of money. I guess we can look at it as she's an experiment.

Octopunk said...

What if the coma victim whose face they used wakes up and wants a cigarette?

(I was tempted to insert a Terry Schiavo joke here, but I'll leave it up to your imagination.)