Friday, February 17, 2006

A closer look at new Star Wars offerings

Well we're starting to see more and more from Toy Fair 2006. Talk about the law of diminishing returns. This year's crop looks especially poor. Hasbro might as well hang up a sign saying, "Star Wars nerds will buy anything no matter how ill-conceived or executed". What follows is a bunch of (mostly) crap.

I want to like this "extra expensive" Greedo, but I don't. His vest looks cheap and I'm not into his extra-long fingers. How in the world does he brush his teeth or do other unmentionables?

I've always loved the Biker Scout design. I know, I know, Octopunk, you've never been taken with it. But you also own the Black Bespin Guard so what do you know?
I mean, look at this figure!

It's Han in a new hat, er, I mean coat!

Look it's Luke in X-Wing Pilot gear! Oh who am I kidding, that's about as exciting as a fart in an elevator.

What the heck were they thinking? This is one of the "special more expensive" figures. Are we supposed to be excited by this morbidly obese Tuskin Raider? The only cool thing is his weapon, which I'm sure is as solid as a piece of liquorice.

Here we get Mace's ship from the Clone Wars cartoons. Of course, this is just the same ship already put out twice, but now it's purple bitch! Hmmmmmm, I might have to pick that up. It's purple!




And finally, just when I was lamenting that we never get cool mail-a-ways anymore comes this incredibly narcissistic offering. Look kids, after you spend $50 on "exclusive" resculpts, you'll be able to send away for this very special stormtrooper." He only wishes he were that thin.




20 comments:

Octopunk said...

Excuse me, but do YOU own a black Bespin Guard figure? DO you?

I thought so.

JPX said...

Perhaps...

Octopunk said...

Yeah, that's what I figured, you black-Bespin-owning mofo, you.

Okay, here's my picture by picture commentary:

Greedo: The head sculpt looks good, the vest looks bad, and I feel like his jumpsuit would look waaaay cooler if they allowed themselves a little license and darkened the colors on it, so it looked like the 70's one.

The hands are the worst. I know they're being accurate, but that just looks silly. Another time they should've gone off-model. It's not like Lucas did loving shots of Greedo's hands in SW, you can hardly even tell they're so long.

Octopunk said...

I've never been as fond of the biker scout design as you, that's true. In fact...let me think...yes, I'd say it's my least favorite of the Stormtrooper/Clone Trooper designs. It's still a good design, though, and that figure actually looks decent. But how many of these have we seen? It seems unfair to me that they can just make another one.

"Here's Anakin, in his battle of Coruscant garb! And here's...another Biker Scout figure! Just buy it!"

JPX said...

"It's not like Lucas did loving shots of Greedo's hands" He sure did in the Holiday Special!

JPX said...

It's true, they could've easily just plopped a black head on the regular Bespin Guard. Kenner went the extra mile. Hasbro sucks.

Octopunk said...

I never noticed before, but it seems the black Bespin Guard has a totally different torso and leg sculpt than the white Bespin Guard. This is the amount of effort they expended in the 80's.

JPX said...

Thanks!

Octopunk said...

Han: Hey, you did a really good job lining up the text and the pictures. I've never done a post with this kind of distinct pic/text relationship. Nice work.

Octopunk said...

X-wing Luke: I like the Rebel flight suits, and indeed for a bit I was collecting all the Rebel flight-suited figures (a quest I haven't necessarily given up, just like my ongoing "get all the stormtroopers" quest).

When I'm handling those figs, though, I sometimes find myself wishing all that external crap, (the control box on the chest, and the hose, and those leg straps) were melded to the figure like the original. It's not really the better idea, but when I think of the flaws in the new stuff, a lot of it is down to flimsy plastic details like that.

JPX said...

I know, the flimsy plastic kills me! One of the worst examples of this is the Naboo Fighter toy. For God-knows-what-reason they decided to make the thin gun tips out of that soft plast and as a result the ship NEVER looks right.

Octopunk said...

Tusken Raider: Sigh. Why is it these guys's horns always look too small when rendered in action figure size. Darth Maul had that same problem: he looked all badass in closeup but his figure just sported an array of leetle bumps.

And yeah, I know it's hard to size clothes for an action figure, but jeez you guys...he's got a new hat -- I mean mumu!

JPX said...

Yeah they've just never captured the TR properly. I'm all for using cloth clothes, but within reason. Remember that STNG Andorian figure? It had that HUGE purple scarf.

Octopunk said...

Mace's fighter: I'm down with the purple lightsaber and all, but that ship looks like when Gay came to Gaytown. It might be that those white details make it look shiny. Still.

I'm not really a fan of this ship design.

Octopunk said...

Lucas Stormtrooper: Looks like he put a younger version of his head on there, so it makes sense if he's trying to fit his 70's ass in that suit. Probably the only Stormtrooper that can effectively hold his own helmet.

I don't have a comment for Anakin. But that big-booted Muftak Jedi still looks like fun.

JPX said...

Oh I'm totally going for that Muftak!

Octopunk said...

You're doing that weird thing where you're answering my comments before I make them. Clearly you're a sorceror and need to be burned. I get your toys.

JPX said...

Wouldn't that be a great headline, "Man kills friend for his Star Wars toys" Imagine what an endless field day the nerds would have!

Octopunk said...

Imagine the flood of action figures that'll hit the market when our generation starts dying of natural causes. They won't have any family to leave it to!

JPX said...

Not is we put in our wills that we want to be buried with them. Of course I'll dig you up just to pull them out of your cold, dead hands.